Loneliness is a widespread issue in the United States, particularly among adolescents and young adults. The impact of loneliness is significant among young adults and is causing problems in our society. Recent global challenges, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, along with the increased use of social media, have further emphasized this issue.
Sad Generation with Happy Pictures
A Harvard survey conducted in 2020 found that 61% of adults from 18 to 25 report feelings of ‘serious loneliness’ compared to 39% across the general population. It is widely accepted that issues of loneliness among young adults are directly connected to the introduction of social media into our society. Often dubbed, the sad generation with happy pictures, young adults experience increasing pressure to conform by posting "happy" pictures on social media all the time. The idealized image of perfection and constant happiness portrayed on social media often conceals a profound sense of sadness and existential loneliness. In reality, many young adults feel deeply isolated and yet are compelled to present themselves as always cheerful and flawless.
The Paradox of Social Media: Young adults are experiencing high levels of loneliness while feeling pressured to present themselves as constantly happy and flawless on social media.
Research paints a similar picture. Based on the Surgeon General report (2023), individuals who use social media for more than two hours a day experience about double the odds of increased perceptions of social isolation compared to those who use social media for less than 30 minutes per day (p. 20).”
Serious Health Impact
Loneliness goes beyond feeling down, it has a lasting impact on our societal and physical health. According to the U.S. Surgeon General's advisory report (2023), loneliness increases the risk of premature death by 26% and isolation by 29%. In terms of lifespan, this is equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
What does it mean to feel lonely?
It is difficult to tie down what it means to feel lonely. Defining loneliness is challenging because it is subjective. In general, loneliness can be described as a feeling of distress or discomfort resulting from a mismatch between a person's desired and actual experience of social connection.
Loneliness tends to fall within three broad categories: Psychological, Societal, and Existential
Psychological (feeling as if you have no one to confide in or trust)
Societal (feeling systemically excluded because of a characteristic, including gender, race, or disability)
Existential (spiritual – feeling disconnected from oneself)
So, let's get into it. What is existential about feeling lonely?
Existentialism requires us to face the truth about our existence so that we can break away from illusions, transform, and embrace authenticity. This act of courage is ongoing and should be incorporated into our daily lives. Existential loneliness in turn is the process of pondering existence and meaning while feeling alone in the world.
Existentialism and existential loneliness therefore invite recognition and acceptance of the following:
Meaninglessness in life
Despite the number of relationships you have you are the only one who can experience and assign meaning to life in the way you do.
We are all born into the world alone and we all die alone.
Existential Loneliness & The “Mindless Scroll”
I am particularly interested in exploring existential loneliness because it appears to be most relevant to the link between young adults, the loneliness epidemic, and social media. Here I am referring to another related social media phenomenon, namely: the desire to fit in and be predictably the same as everyone else. This phenomenon is occurring in real time, and even those who are aware of it are not immune. If you have any social media, you have experienced it.
Ah, the desire to be predictably the same makes us so lonely. Social media and the increasing notion of “posting or it didn’t happen” strips us of our uniqueness, perpetuates the pressure to conform, and blocks us from communicating what is personally important and authentic to us. We worry our true selves are not trendy, permissible, or not getting to get us likes, views, and attention. So, let me ask you: Who are you if you aren’t instantly validated by mass amounts of people who you don’t even know?
To summarize: Authenticity & Uniqueness are essential components of living a full life. Sadly, social media, algorithms, AI (etc) have made everyone feel like they should be predictably the same. It should come as no surprise that those most active and tuned into social media (adolescents and young adults) are experiencing mass amounts of depression and loneliness.
What can we do?
Below, I provide practical suggestions for combating existential loneliness ((while acknowledging that this experience is highly individualized and nuanced)):
Community involvement: become a part of a community that aligns with your goals and interests; participate in social and community activities/groups that foster a sense of belonging and purpose
Awareness and intentional reduction in disconnection: Monitor harmful and excessive social media use, reduce spending time with screens over persons, and limit relationships that increase feelings of isolation and loneliness (unhealthy, nonreciprocal)
Investment in being present with people/quality time: reduce distractions when spending time with others (for instance: silence or put your phone on DND and don’t check your phone during a family dinner)
Volunteer/help others: Engage in community service, and support others in your life (family, friends)
Reaching out for help and support in times of need: Connect with trusted family members, friends, or a professional counselor/therapist